lunch with a legend..

shoe was a wanderin' in the nakano, feeling a little peckish.. the day, fridaye, the time, 'round three-ish...

a thought came..."what if... nah.. it'll never happen.." flashed. "well, there is a wee chance... gots nothin' else ta do, let's 'ave a look.."

and this is how the shoe gots into the AOBA, the legendary number one ramen in tha smankin' country (according to certain polls in sundry magazines. shoe don't wanta start a WAR or anthing here). usually this place has a line a block long, an' is only open till the last damn noodle is slurped. so more often than not, shoe sees this joint either hopelessly crowded, or shut down and dark.

shoe didnt have much hope to begin with, and was going to settle for some other respectable joint, when he espied a lack of a line out da door.. what ho! must be closed, eh! well folks, it wasn't! and only a ten person wait! what luck! so shoe sidled into the stool an ordered the chuka soba (there are no choices at aoba, other than th' loaded or th' tsukemen) and waited for a little bowl of legend.

yeh, it was good! shoe was setting hisself up for some minor disappointment or other, but the aoba rocks a solid fishy shoyuu bowl, with some fine fine noodles and more than passable toppings. there were no standouts, but solid ratings all round.

which gets shoe ta wondering... is this one of those japaneesee thingys where they queue only cos its go the the cred and everyone else is? oe is it actually one of these ur-bowls that set the stage for all that has followed in its wake and all must bow befo' the master? seein' as there is plenty o' competition in nakano for the ramen fetishist, shoe's got ta go with the latter.

za sekushi pigguzu!

behold, the latest in the ridiculous line of figures sold at th' local daiso... introducing the sexy-pig collection..

the slutty stewdardess...

furry lovers' matrix...

an the cheesy roaring '20s dancer

okay, first the anal probin' an now the sexy pigs... shoe gots to get back to re-al-i-tee...

uh huh.... riiight...

just spotted on tha tube... fridaye night an' comedy duo ninety nine (along wit cream stew) are gettin a battery of medical checks n stuff.. bone strength, MRIs n junk like that.. not unusual for a prime time nipponese show, but man, then they hit it biiig...

awrite, as you can see by this pic, that is okamura gettin' the anal probe. they're checking out his anus on prime time TV.

'woop! it's all the way in!' check out the others havin' a peek.

pleasure or pain?

so poor bastard's got some problems down there an' they need to operate...

yikes! an he wa'nt the only one who got this done, they showed three others getting anally probed on prime time TV.

just your average day on TV in nippon. funnay thing is, this kinda junk ain't no thang to the talents involved. there they are, makin' pointed comments an crackin' jokes like they look at their colleagues' brown dimes all the time (whoa, now there's a thought for ya). they got the one girl there to point out what it each person's bung-hole looked like through a series of animal flash cards: the goldfish, the lion, the chameleon and the giraffe.



a sprawlin', bustlin' joint in the shinagawa, filled with young salarymen slickin' the local office birds, and well-stocked wit bouncy waitreseez.

yea, this joint rawks the hakata school well. take a look at that egg, wouldya. BAAAM! that egg there spilled its golden eggy goodness over the whole works, with wonderful results. that egg there prolly cut the shoe's life short by two minutes, but the five shoe spent savouring it tipped the balance to the plus side.
btw, shoe was on the thick noodle tip for the last few bowls, but weee! the hosomen, faintly smellin of flour, just ruled.

deconstructing a cup noodle

ok, so shoe had a thought boner an decided to pull apart an old favourite, just to see what kind of smank he could see.

the ramen in question here is hot white epicenter of the instant ramen universe, the CUP NOODLE - BIG.

shoe needed a few tools for th' job, an pulled together a ramen-deconstruction kit; fine-calibered, precision surgical steel implements all.

the lid of our subject today, with the protective plastic wrapping removed, for your freshness.

an initial inspection of the contents of the cup, with the top removed. our subject is ready for th' pocedure. succulent shrimp, firm egg,fragrant onion and mouth-watering bits of beef resting gently on a bed of supple noodles.

after several sweaty minutes an some gentle teasing apart, shoe came up with the final anaylsis..

the toll:
- 8 lumps of shrimp-like pustules
- 11 fragments of petrified meat-ish matter
- 26 crumbs of calcified yellow crud, possibly ovum in nature
- a blizzard of flaky green shards, presumed to have been once some sort of bulbous plant
- a modicum of brown particulate, highly flammable
- a massive undefined clod of sinuos fibers, roto-molded into a cylindrical cast

people. please do not be deceived by sweet smells emanating from the cup once water is applied! this stuff is EVAL INCARNATE. iff'n you wish to make your brain all shiny and hard, then by all means go for it, but remember, there's a world of ramen out there that needs your attention.

baby 'men

shoe was on hand to witness the birth of a new ramen in the 'hood. for a couple o weeks shu had been marking the progress of a new ramen joint on th' way to the station, fantasizing about what new ramen delights awaited upon its completion. the manbaken, hailing from meguro wit its cho-kotteri shoyuu chashew, was the ripe apple that the shoe plucked from the branch.

well, the chashew wasn't the best shoe had chomped down on, but the shoyuu base was nice n mild, if un-possible to finish off on account of it being abso-smank-ly loaded with globules of artery chokin' fatty tissue. the toppings were more like under-ings, with hidden menma and a secret cache of moyashi unearthed halfway down the bowl. nice thick, flat noodles had shoe wantin' more, will try the house special of miso sometime down the line.. but patience is called for, shoe's got a lot on the ramen plate to muck thru befo' he goes back to this local.

come on... c'mon!

from the farthest reaches of tochigi, it's the kamon. sano ramen, prolly shio. now the soup wasn't all that. although very respectable, it ain't the soup shoe dug. it's the noodles, some hand spun, rough n ready chunky short-ass things. yeh, they did the shoe well.


man, will this city evar run out of great tonkotsu joints? shoe found this one on the way to his ramen du jour in another part o the machi. the garlic in this one stayed right in the nose, and had shoe immediately thinkin' of the good 'ole Old Dutch Onion 'N Garlic Potato Chips that he used to chomp on as a wee shoe. some nice futo-men and the evar lovely sweetly soft chashew rounded out the bowl. an shoe swears he saw a green bean or two floatin' through the works! damn if shoe forgot to get th' soft boiled egg for the topper.

dull dull dull

no doggerel from the shoe today, fellas. this bowl o shio from hibikiya in iidabashi was exactly like shoe's long day lookin' at the walls...BORING.

awrite, couldn't resist..

with nose all a runny
and breaf smellin' funny
shoe wowlf'd down th' onions
smellin' like bunions!
an the soup all wat'ry and clotted.

with the thin grayish chashew
tastin' like ass, you
could swear it was crud
as it smank'd with a thud
at the bottom of yer guts.

and when it came back
as it slid from the crack
leavin' skid marks galore
on th' toilet room floor,
shoe left with a sigh
far from a high,
and went about bloggin' the works.

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